If you got married in your twenties or thirties, and have no major health issues, you can expect to be together as a couple for many years. Your children will always be a part of your life, but a husband and wife have a separate relationship that needs nurturing too.
A stable, loving marriage is the best way to teach kids to find the right partner for life and also to have an enduring and supportive marriage for themselves. However, once the children start arriving, it becomes harder to find time alone for your partnership and doing the things you enjoy together. This is doubly hard if you are fostering children, as these kids have unique needs and possibly disruptive behaviours due to the trauma, abuse, and/or neglect that they may have suffered in their birth homes.
How do you balance all these conflicting demands for your attention while keeping the spark alive and burning brightly in your marriage?
Build a Family
You should do things together as a family so that bonds can form and your foster children feel safe and cherished, and that they belong to the family unit. Aim for one weekend a month where you all embark on a day trip to the beach or some other family activity. Focus on fun and togetherness.
Demonstrate Affection
When the working spouse returns home, make a fuss of greeting each other in front of the kids. Hugs, short kisses, and “I love you” are acceptable forms of demonstrating affection. Likewise, you should often show affection to your natural and foster children, if this is something they are comfortable with.
Plan for Your Responsibilities
Foster carers are usually paid an allowance by their foster agency, which is designed to over the costs of caring for a foster child
While foster parents are not expected to give up work entirely, this does enable you to do the best for these children and ensure that they get all the attention they need. This is best supported by a routine, such as meal and play times, and a set bedtime. If you can cope with household chores, or alternatively, get some help to assist you, this can free up the late evening and night for spending time together as a couple.
Date Night
One night a month is the bare minimum for a date night, barring a serious illness in the family. Develop a support network of responsible family members or friends who can babysit and provide companionship to older children.
Make this time about the two of you as a couple. Do something you both enjoy and that echoes your dates before marriage.
Intimacy is an essential ingredient of marriage, so try to keep it alive. This is the glue that holds a couple together during the inevitable tough times in their relationship.
Remember, a stable, loving home for foster children is built on the foundation of a strong marriage or partnership.
'This is a collaborative post and the author's views do not necessarily reflect those of our blog. We may receive monetary compensation for our endorsement and or recommendations'.
You may also like:
Comments